Nice People Get Sick

The first surgeon I ever worked for looked at me and shook his head one day. “You’re too nice,” he said. “Nice people get sick. You can’t be that nice and stay healthy.”

I half-smiled and thought to myself, “Yeah, okay, that’s your opinion.” But a part of me questioned if there was truth in that. Looking back, I know he was right.

It’s interesting that we think of the word “nice” as meaning pleasant or agreeable, but it’s actually derived from the Latin word nescius, meaning ignorant or unaware. The word has evolved over the centuries, but I wonder if it still carries some of that original meaning. When we’re polite and agreeable, are we unaware of our own need to speak our point of view? Or is it a sophisticated way of hiding our true selves so nobody is displeased with us?

I’m not saying we shouldn’t be warm, loving, and welcoming — but not to the point of self-abandonment. Are you withholding truth to keep the peace? Are you anticipating the reactions of others and letting that determine the experience of your life?

I’m familiar with that girl. I’m a recovering people-pleaser. It wasn’t until I did both life and nervous system coaching that I realized what it was costing me to be “nice.” We can’t say we hold certain standards for ourselves and then lower those standards so everyone else’s boat doesn’t sink too.

I remember just eating my kids’ leftovers off their plates, working out “when it was convenient,” and eating healthy “when I felt like I had time to meal prep.” How you approach the standards of your life will reinforce them — and I was approaching mine as “when it’s convenient.”

I’m a mom with a full-time job and a Christian, and I believed that meant I had to die to self — meaning I had to do for everyone else until I was exhausted, and then just take the leftovers. Yes, Jesus wants us to be selfless and compassionate and take up our cross — but to what extent? I don’t think He’s asking us to give up our personality, our integrity, and our gifts.

When I take 20 minutes to eat a meal in silence, paint, journal, or work out, I actually have more energy and more intentional presence for my children and my husband. Now I plan my week in advance and schedule time for daily walks, meals, coaching, exercise, and journaling. Sometimes this also means asking for extra help around the house, or leaving things undone.

Sit down and journal about what makes you come alive and what brings you peace and joy. What are you tolerating? How are you using your time? The desires of your heart are divine. God made you unique for a reason.

When you don’t take responsibility for your own needs, you might start to resent other people. Are you blaming others for the ways you aren’t showing up for yourself? Decide ahead of time how you want to live your life and invest your time. Instead of being consumed by a life you feel like you didn’t ask for, create the one you want, and be intentional about rising to the standards you set for yourself.

---

You won’t be everyone’s cup of tea — but neither was Jesus.
You are an heir of the King. Start living like it.